Early in 2014 I was freshly single. I wasn’t interested in new men, but I was still interested in doing fun things. So I took myself on a date to eat Indian and go shopping. Then I wrote about it, as writers tend to do, in “Table For One: Why Sometimes It’s Better to Date Yourself” which originally appeared on Unwritten. I wrote about the myth of “The Gap”: when single, you often feel like there is a huge gap needing to be filled, often by another partner. I explained that this Gap isn’t real. We are always complete without another person.
Then in May that article went up on The Huffington Post and did well. Ironically, I had just started dating a great man when it ran. Even though I was seeing someone, I took with me the lessons learned from dating myself as a single woman: it is important to spend time alone doing what you love. After all, the only person guaranteed to be with you always is yourself.
Now it’s January and I am joyously content in a healthy, loving relationship. And you know what? Same story applies. I am still my own person even though I’m excited to share my life with another. So I took myself to the theater. Ticket for one! A kind woman in my life offered me a single ticket to the fabulous theater in Las Vegas, The Smith Center, to see the musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I heart musicals.
I dressed nicely, arrived early, bought myself a drink and some M&Ms (more of my favorite things!), and enjoyed a night to myself.
It’s important not to get lost into somebody else. I can love fiercely and loyally, share my heart and time, and make room in my life for another. But I must continue to invest time into myself and love myself. For me, doing something I love without the boyfriend (and without girlfriends!) is crucial. I must remind myself that I am already complete – a fact that allows me to WANT somebody else, instead of NEED somebody else. By the way, it’s so unfair to expect somebody to complete you. That’s way too big an expectation to put on another human being.
This quote came up on my Instagram recently, and I couldn’t agree with its sentiment more. It beautifully wraps up my thoughts:
6 comments
This is perfect! Just what I needed to hear. Thanks Taylor!
Glad to hear it girl!
Thoughts of wisdom, beautifully expressed.
Thanks Lori!
Love your thoughts expressed here! The original post with the date for Indian and shopping was very enlightening. I has to sort of learn on my husband’s first (of 6) deployments that I was a complete, whole, and happy person even apart from him? Did I miss him like crazy? Yes. Did I wish he were there? Yes. But should I hibernate for months at a time, avoiding others because I’m insecure about who I am as just “Denise”? No! I could go spend time with other families and be Whole. I could go out with other couples – and be Whole. I was enough of a person all by myself that I was worthy of time, attention, and their company. I would cheat myself and others by hiding simply because I felt “incomplete” without Jonathan. I not only learned that eating out by myself wasn’t pitiful, it was cheaper. 🙂 I learned that going to the theatre to watch a movie alone was a great break from Netflix and the bath/couch I’d grown accustom to. I learned road trips with music, Starbucks, and audio CDs were amazingly freeing! I no longer ran from loneliness. I embraced what and who I was by myself…. Grateful for when my husband returned, but content that I merited time and attention all by myself. I don’t wish for time away from my husband now, but instead if it comes, I do not cling to the notion that I’m incomplete as an individual either.
Great thoughts, friend!
This is so beautifully stated! Every time you comment, I think I could just read your experiences/wisdom all the time! You should blog!!
Love!