Being the woman of my word that I am, if I challenge you to make 2016 a year of “pursuing interesting,” I give myself the same challenge. With arms out wide, mind open, and spirit excitedly expectant – I was ready for all the interesting things 2016 would bring.
Now. It’s possible I may have had very particular interesting things in mind at the time. New countries, work opportunities, friendships, nice things and experiences.
Hahahahahahahaha <<< (That’s what the universe said when it realized before I did that “interesting” arrives in all sorts of packages.)
Interesting was supposed to look more like this:
And less like this:
But this picture ^^^^ happens to be accurate.
It all started with the flu.
As some of you know, I suffer from a smidgen of anxiety. One way my anxiety unfolds is an irrationally strong fear of getting sick before a big event. All of December (and I mean ALL) I was panicked that I would get Dengue Fever before my family came to visit us in Costa Rica early January.
If you don’t know what Dengue Fever is, don’t be like me and look it up on WebMD. (But in case you are like me = Click Here to see the horror!)
Well, I didn’t get Dengue. But I did get quite sick a few days before they arrived, and it lasted, of course, until their final day here. Truly, I didn’t know that much snot could drain from one person’s nostrils .
(Main takeaway: I obviously I should spend all of February worried that I’m going to get too rich in March.)
But that’s nothing, dear ones.
The day after my family left, The Boyfriend needed to rush to CIMA Hospital in San Jose for emergency surgery. And by rush, I mean get stuck in stop and go traffic for 6 hours.
Because I believe in being brave enough to share the gory details of my life on this blog, but kind enough to leave out other people’s gory details, we won’t get into the reason why The Boyfriend had emergency surgery. But you will get these hints: Gross and Painful and Scary. (Don’t deny it. I know your minds are currently running through all the embarrassing possibilities.)
After hours in the car, we made it to the outskirts of San Jose.
Let’s pause here.
In Costa Rica, my iPhone and his Android do not have any cell service. We use them only through Wi-Fi. We purchased a super cheap local phone that’s totally circa 2000 and put minutes on it to make local calls.
So on this little medical emergency voyage, we had no Wi-Fi – thus no GPS – and a circa 2000 local cell phone.
Yes, of course, we did get lost in a city of hundreds of thousands of people who speak Spanish. At night. And street signs in San Jose are as rare as people who speak fluent English.
Since the Boyfriend and I are really evolved and mature in our relationship, we handled this little hiccup the best way possible: screaming at each other in loud tones of love.
With our brick of a Costa Rican cell phone circa 2000, I ended up calling the doctor since she was the only English speaker I could think of. She gave me instructions, but we only managed to make it to a gas station before getting lost yet again.
**Enter more screaming in loud tones of love**
I called the exceedingly patient and gracious doctor again. (Could you imagine ANY doctor in the U.S. caring about whether or not we could find a hospital?) She agreed to come get us and show us the way. Bless her rich doctor heart.
This lovely woman gave me one instruction on the phone. Just one. She said, “STAY BY YOUR PHONE BECAUSE I’M NOT 100% SURE WHICH GAS STATION YOU ARE AT. DON’T LEAVE YOUR PHONE.”
Ever obedient, I didn’t leave my phone. Really, I didn’t. Promise.
But I did manage to drop it in a large puddle of Sprite that had seeped through a McDonald’s cup and filled up the cup holder. See, I told you I didn’t leave the phone. I just let it swim. Could we have cleaned up this pool of Sprite during the 6-hour-long drive? Sure. Did we? Of course not.
Apparently, Sprite can both give you diabetes and completely ruin cheap brick-like cell phones circa 2000. Let me reiterate that this was our only way of calling any phone number in Costa Rica.
Cue: Tears. Lots of tears.
Cue: Dramatic, “We are done for.”
Cue: Even more screaming in loud tones of love.
Then, my friends, I have no idea how, but she found us. She found us!!!! And showed us the way to the hospital and performed a flawless surgery. She then showed me how to drive to the nearest hotel to take my anesthesia-stoned boyfriend to bed. She said goodnight and told me I could call her if I needed anything else. I smiled and expressed my sincere gratitude.
All while knowing I could never actually take her up on her last gift of kindness.
After all, I had dropped our only method of Costa Rica phone calls in a pool of Sprite.
I walked back to the hospital to pay the bill. The Anesthesia-Stoned Boyfriend sat next to me in his wheelchair as I stood waiting to pay. Out of nowhere, he yelled (REALLY YELLED): “Taylor! In the OR, they pinned me down like the cross!” and dramatically puts his arms out as if he were being crucified.
In an exceedingly Catholic country, that’s how he chose to have the anesthesia crazies affect him. He imitated our dying Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in an attempt to recreate his surgery.
This is my life.
I looked around slowly and nonchalantly (only with my eyes, like a spy) to see if anybody was offended.
Bless their hearts. None of them spoke enough English to know how offensive The Anesthesia-Stoned Boyfriend really was.
- Sometimes “Interesting” looks less like travelling to an exotic land and more like getting lost in a foreign country.
- Clean up Sprite when you spill it.
- Don’t spend entire months worrying about Dengue, or you will get another type of flu for two weeks.
- Park your anesthesia-stoned loved one’s wheelchair OUTSIDE and FAR AWAY from other people while paying their bill.
Surprisingly, I actually have a workbook that I sell here on this website that guides you through 11 steps toward living an interesting life you love. For a small fee of $10, you could have an interesting life just as glamorous as the one I’ve described.