Um – When I Said I Wanted An Interesting Year… That’s Not What I Had In Mind

Being the woman of my word that I am, if I challenge you to make 2016 a year of “pursuing interesting,” I give myself the same challenge. With arms out wide, mind open, and spirit excitedly expectant – I was ready for all the interesting things 2016 would bring.

Now.  It’s possible I may have had very particular interesting things in mind at the time. New countries, work opportunities, friendships, nice things and experiences.

Hahahahahahahaha <<< (That’s what the universe said when it realized before I did that “interesting” arrives in all sorts of packages.)

Interesting was supposed to look more like this:

T&K1

And less like this:

T&K2

But this picture ^^^^ happens to be accurate.

It all started with the flu.

As some of you know, I suffer from a smidgen of anxiety. One way my anxiety unfolds is an irrationally strong fear of getting sick before a big event. All of December (and I mean ALL) I was panicked that I would get Dengue Fever before my family came to visit us in Costa Rica early January.

If you don’t know what Dengue Fever is, don’t be like me and look it up on WebMD.   (But in case you are like me = Click Here to see the horror!)

Well, I didn’t get Dengue. But I did get quite sick a few days before they arrived, and it lasted, of course, until their final day here. Truly, I didn’t know that much snot could drain from one person’s nostrils .

(Main takeaway: I obviously I should spend all of February worried that I’m going to get too rich in March.)

But that’s nothing, dear ones.

The day after my family left, The Boyfriend needed to rush to CIMA Hospital in San Jose for emergency surgery.   And by rush, I mean get stuck in stop and go traffic for 6 hours.

Because I believe in being brave enough to share the gory details of my life on this blog, but kind enough to leave out other people’s gory details, we won’t get into the reason why The Boyfriend had emergency surgery. But you will get these hints: Gross and Painful and Scary. (Don’t deny it.  I know your minds are currently running through all the embarrassing possibilities.)

After hours in the car, we made it to the outskirts of San Jose.

Let’s pause here.

In Costa Rica, my iPhone and his Android do not have any cell service. We use them only through Wi-Fi. We purchased a super cheap local phone that’s totally circa 2000 and put minutes on it to make local calls.

So on this little medical emergency voyage, we had no Wi-Fi – thus no GPS – and a circa 2000 local cell phone.

Yes, of course, we did get lost in a city of hundreds of thousands of people who speak Spanish.  At night. And street signs in San Jose are as rare as people who speak fluent English.

Lost.  9PM.

Since the Boyfriend and I are really evolved and mature in our relationship, we handled this little hiccup the best way possible: screaming at each other in loud tones of love.

With our brick of a Costa Rican cell phone circa 2000, I ended up calling the doctor since she was the only English speaker I could think of. She gave me instructions, but we only managed to make it to a gas station before getting lost yet again.

**Enter more screaming in loud tones of love**

I called the exceedingly patient and gracious doctor again. (Could you imagine ANY doctor in the U.S. caring about whether or not we could find a hospital?) She agreed to come get us and show us the way. Bless her rich doctor heart.

This lovely woman gave me one instruction on the phone. Just one. She said, “STAY BY YOUR PHONE BECAUSE I’M NOT 100% SURE WHICH GAS STATION YOU ARE AT. DON’T LEAVE YOUR PHONE.”

Ever obedient, I didn’t leave my phone. Really, I didn’t. Promise.

But I did manage to drop it in a large puddle of Sprite that had seeped through a McDonald’s cup and filled up the cup holder.  See, I told you I didn’t leave the phone.  I just let it swim.  Could we have cleaned up this pool of Sprite during the 6-hour-long drive?  Sure. Did we? Of course not.

Apparently, Sprite can both give you diabetes and completely ruin cheap brick-like cell phones circa 2000. Let me reiterate that this was our only way of calling any phone number in Costa Rica.

Cue: Tears. Lots of tears.

Cue: Dramatic, “We are done for.”

Cue: Even more screaming in loud tones of love.

Then, my friends, I have no idea how, but she found us. She found us!!!! And showed us the way to the hospital and performed a flawless surgery. She then showed me how to drive to the nearest hotel to take my anesthesia-stoned boyfriend to bed. She said goodnight and told me I could call her if I needed anything else. I smiled and expressed my sincere gratitude.

All while knowing I could never actually take her up on her last gift of kindness.

After all, I had dropped our only method of Costa Rica phone calls in a pool of Sprite.

I walked back to the hospital to pay the bill. The Anesthesia-Stoned Boyfriend sat next to me in his wheelchair as I stood waiting to pay. Out of nowhere, he yelled (REALLY YELLED): “Taylor! In the OR, they pinned me down like the cross!” and dramatically puts his arms out as if he were being crucified.

In an exceedingly Catholic country, that’s how he chose to have the anesthesia crazies affect him. He imitated our dying Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in an attempt to recreate his surgery.

This is my life.

I looked around slowly and nonchalantly (only with my eyes, like a spy) to see if anybody was offended.

Bless their hearts. None of them spoke enough English to know how offensive The Anesthesia-Stoned Boyfriend really was.

Lessons Learned:

  1. Sometimes “Interesting” looks less like travelling to an exotic land and more like getting lost in a foreign country.
  2. Clean up Sprite when you spill it.
  3. Don’t spend entire months worrying about Dengue, or you will get another type of flu for two weeks.
  4. Park your anesthesia-stoned loved one’s wheelchair OUTSIDE and FAR AWAY from other people while paying their bill.

Surprisingly, I actually have a workbook that I sell here on this website that guides you through 11 steps toward living an interesting life you love.  For a small fee of $10, you could have an interesting life just as glamorous as the one I’ve described.

You’re welcome.

14 thoughts on “Um – When I Said I Wanted An Interesting Year… That’s Not What I Had In Mind

  • January 18, 2016 at 7:51 am
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    I am so sorry you guys had such a scary and awful time trying to get him to the hospital, and that he even needed a hospital, and that you were also sick while your family came :( But God bless that doctor! Seriously, amazing. But I won’t pretend like I didn’t laugh over his anesthesia-induced depiction of his surgery 😉

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    • January 18, 2016 at 11:30 am
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      Lol. It was such a moment of extreme stress and laughable ridiculousness!! Yes – God bless that doctor. We still can’t believe how helpful she was!

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  • January 18, 2016 at 8:10 am
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    What a rough day! I’m glad you all are ok! It reminds me of a time that I got lost in a city in the Philippines and I got directions from this little old lady and then as I was leaving she grabbed my arm and said, ‘and watch your back.’ Scariest mile I ever walked in my life!

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    • January 18, 2016 at 11:30 am
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      OH dear goodness!! I would have been terrified.

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  • January 18, 2016 at 9:37 am
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    I’m so sorry it was scary- Every time I get sick here I have a mild panic that I’m going to have a similar reaction of where the heck am I going?

    But I laughed my butt off over your boyfriends’ anesthesia. It made me laugh.

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    • January 18, 2016 at 11:31 am
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      It was a truly hysterical moment! :)

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  • January 18, 2016 at 1:57 pm
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    Taylor!!!!! Oh my gosh – my comment was going to be much different until I got to what your poor hunny did – omg, haha!!! I was laughing out loud over here! In all seriousness though… I know they tell you to laugh because otherwise you’d cry, but I was about ready to cry with you at the beginning there. You are learning just how brave you are and wow, I think about the ways the two of you are growing together – it’s like boot camp or something. Bless you both, I hope next month is much more calm than this one has been! XO

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  • January 18, 2016 at 5:07 pm
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    this made me laugh so hard! And I hate to say that I was laughing at your misfortunes, but the way you told this story made it sound almost impossible! It reminded me of a Stephanie Plum novel or something lol. I hoep that this experience brought you lots of growth and wisdom, and that the rest of your year will be beautiful kinds of interesting.

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  • January 18, 2016 at 5:35 pm
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    I love how you make such a tragic event sound so funny. Glad you got everything sorted. When my boyfriend and I were in Tenerife a couple of years ago, he jumped in the lift in the hotel and it broke. I’m claustrophobic lol. So I was stuck, in a lift in a foreign country. Fab-u-lous.

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  • January 18, 2016 at 6:44 pm
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    OMG, I don’t even know how to react, if I should be happy or if I should cry for you! lol. I’m so glad you guys are okay, that is an insane story!

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  • January 18, 2016 at 11:04 pm
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    How have I never read your blog before? BECAUSE I”M DYING OF LAUGHTER over the phrase “loud tones of love”. I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I use this same method to get through being lost and stressed. Once we got in a big fight on a trip, and drove in silence from Portland to Boise (that’s 6 hours), the only phrases spoken were “I’m stopping to pee”. “Cool, I’ll go too.” and then my favorite one once it was pitch dark outside in the middle of nowhere. “Dude, the headlights aren’t working.” That’s when we started talking again. We love each other so much! HAHA. Glad we’re not the only ones. Also glad you were found, and that everything worked out. What a crazy story though!

    Also, cracking up pretty hard at his anesthesia crucifix story. HA!

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    • February 18, 2016 at 11:55 am
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      Hahaha – Thanks Lana! Too funny. Glad we aren’t the only ones :)

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  • February 3, 2016 at 9:01 pm
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    I love your writing style, I used to be in your english class back in the day btw. Hope things are going well.

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    • February 18, 2016 at 11:53 am
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      Thanks! How funny – which class?

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